The Bitch that started it all...

I was on the L train in Brooklyn and I happened to notice a woman reading a book called "Why Men Marry BITCHES" . Now the woman reading it had the stank face on already (in that "don't mess with me" kinda way), so my interest was piqued.

A few days later I looked it up on Amazon. I started reading a few pages and I was hooked. The author describes a bitch as a "Babe In Total Control of Herself". As corny as that may seem, the concept is pretty interesting. The basic premise is that men are most attracted to confident women. Not nice women. Not beautiful women. Not rich women. Those characteristics definitely help, but without confidence, they're pretty worthless.

I know you're probably thinking "duh...you needed a book to tell you that?" Yes, actually, I did.

There was once a time where I used to be over 200lbs. On a 5'7 frame that's a whole lotta woman. I didn't think I was anything to look at but I was definitely funny....whenever I could manage to break out of my shell of shyness. I'd always see my thinner, prettier friends getting attention from men while I was "the good friend" and eventually I thought that if I could just lose some weight, I'd get the same attention.

Over the course of the next few years I became something of a gym rat. Think Demi Moore in G.I. Jane...ok maybe not, but I'm now a more reasonable 155lbs. with more of an athletic look. Despite all that I'm still struggling in the man department (and by struggling I mean "I've had 3 dates this year and one of them was a repressed homosexual"), and lacking severely in the confidence department.

At my recent 10-year h.s. reunion, I noticed that many of the former hotties (male and female) had put on quite a bit of weight (not the "I went to a keg party every weekend" weight. I'm talking "I fell asleep at the buffet table" weight--- I should know, it happened to me). They weren't all that hot anymore, to be honest. Some of the former "freaks" and "wallflowers" had turned into some damn good-looking people...but the personalities never changed. The former hotties still had that confidence and charisma despite their (in some cases) 50lb. weight gain/receding hairlines, etc. The freaks and wallflowers were still quiet and on the sidelines. Needless to say the former hotties came with dates or spouses. The freaks and wallflowers congregated in a corner to talk about how horrible the dating scene was. The most amazing thing is that each one had a story about how they'd been dumped for someone who wasn't necessarily nicer or better-looking or more accomplished.

I've been on the train and seen the most buck-toothed, sloppy, bad-weave-wearing mensches with engagement rings and wedding bands and I've thought...how did SHE get a man and I can't? The answer...despite outward appearances, she's a BITCH and she knows how to use it.

The freak/wallflower mentality doesn't just hinder me in dating. It keeps me from making new friends and advancing in my career. How can I sell myself as an employee/friend/potential mate if I don't act like I believe in my own abilities? If you were someone else, would you be friends with yourself? I'd like to think the answer is yes, but some days I'm not so sure.

So now that I've identified the problem, it's time to do something about it. What better time than the new year to make changes? Enter 2008 as my personal year of the BITCH. Each week I'll be setting a challenge to help break myself out of my freak/wallflower mentality. Whether you're already a Bitch, or you're a bitch-in-training, feel free to come through and laugh at/with me and share your story. Don't get it twisted though...this is not a pity party, and even though I may be a wallflower, I'm still from Brooklyn...so act like you know!!!