January 2008 in review

Sooooooo...it's been a while since I've checked in. Part of the problem with going out and doing is that it leaves you little time to come back and blog about it. Here's the Cliff notes version of January:

1. I gave in to peer pressure and called MB again. I left him a message and 2 days later he sent a vague text stating "I am hoping that we can meet somewhere this week." My instinct was that he was f.o.s. and I should give him a smart ass reply, but peer pressure prevailed and instead I replied "busy this week. How about Saturday?" NEVER got a response. 3 weeks later I'm still (perturbed/miffed/borderline angry) about it. I mean really. You'd have thought I asked him to be my man or something. Why put the invite out there and then be a flake? Was it really necessary to go the extra mile? He could have just ignored my phone call then. Or at least be courteous enough to say "I'll check my schedule" and then never get back to me...don't just act like I didn't even....*woooo....ok...breathe* I'm going to leave this alone now.

2. I went to a basketball game with a few female friends. First time I ever went to a game. It was fun, even though the home team lost (as usual). There was a little girl drama between 2 of the friends which will make things interesting in the coming months.

3. I went to a "fight party" for the Holyfield-Trinidad fight. I discovered that although 2 drinks will get me buzzed, 3 drinks will have me damn near swinging from the chandelier and feeling up on just about any man in sight. At some point I was dancing very scandalously with someone else's man (he started it, not me! And his girlfriend was there! Blame it on the liquor, 'cuz I am SO not that type of girl) and I remember thinking to myself that this sweaty drunken reggae dance is the closest I've come to a man in over a year (and no, the cute guy who fell asleep on my shoulder on the train doesn't count, and MB's hug at the party last month doesn't count either).

4. I went on a date with a guy I met online...last year. I know I said no online dates in '08, but he's grandfathered from last year. Short story: we didn't have much chemistry on the phone, but he insisted that he was not a phone person. There was no chemistry in person and I felt like I NEEDED a drink to get through the date. Actually, I felt like I needed 2 drinks, but I didn't want to appear to be a lush. Needless to say we won't be going out again.

5. I went to "girls' night" with a few friends from school and one of them decided to bring her boyfriend along. A very awkward time was had by all.

6. I was on the way home from the gym and ran into a chat buddy from MySpace. We hadn't spoken in a couple weeks (my fault) because I felt like he just wasn't really interested. At this point, I'm not trying to meet people to be online buddies. Let's go to dinner, a movie...hell, let's at least talk on the phone. So after a couple months of random chatting I decided to keep it moving. We ran into each other and had a good conversation. He left off with "see you around". A few days later he sent me a message on MySpace asking why he hasn't heard from me. I told him that maybe next time we should actually plan a meeting. Haven't heard back from him. NEXT!

7. I met my co-worker's fiance' for the first time, and a good friend got married last month. She's expecting a baby in July. Another very close friend is also expecting a child around the same time. I predict minor depression and lots of drinking around that time.

8. I called an old (suitor?/flame?) that I haven't spoken to in 2 years. Last time we spoke he was a mess. College dropout, "in between jobs", living at home, smoking weed (ugh), and 30 years old. His only saving grace was the fact that he had a car (which his parents gave him) and he had a body TO DIE FOR! Sadly, when I am feeling like nobody in the world wants me, I know I can count on him to stroke my ego....but really...this is like being grateful for attention from the local homeless dude. Definitely not the sign of a BITCH.

Summary: I've been out more in the past few weeks than I have in the past year (I know, I was/am a recluse by nature), but somehow I don't particularly feel any better about it. I realize that I am generally hanging out with women (or gay/attached men) and we are not meeting any quality single men. These female friends have cats and seems somewhat resigned to comfortable with the "I don't need a man" role. I think that's b.s. Maybe they're secret lesbians? Or maybe they're made of steel.

Personally I'm way too affectionate/cuddly/human to just accept the role of happy single gal about town. The fact that other friends are getting engaged/married/settling down and I can't even get a return phone call from men who seem like decent candidates is weighing heavily on my self-esteem. I know what you're thinking, and no, I don't wear my angst on my sleeve when I talk to people...that's what the blog is for. Inevitably when I meet men (if I'm somewhat interested) they will say "wow, it's amazing that someone like you is still single"...and then promptly disappear, only to pop up months later with "hey...what's new?" Very frustrating, to say the least. As someone said in The Color Purple: "I need me a man, you hear? A man!" Lol.

Current mood: melancholy; anxious; tired; recognizing that "life could be a lot worse", but not comforted by that knowledge; on the brink of a binge eating session (when I should be exercising); and....lonely *sigh* yes. There. I said it.

Outlook for February 2008: I have a 14-day vacation planned in the Caribbean. My parents are going with me. I feel like this is the kind of trip I should be taking with friends/significant other because solo vacations suck (trust me, I've done it before). Sadly, my friends (what with their babies/weddings/significant others/financial woes) are not in any position to join me on any of these excursions, and I don't have a significant other, so there you go. Hopefully the rest will do wonders for my angst....and the fact that they don't celebrate Valentine's Day down there can only be a good thing :-). Oh, and my b-day is in the first week of February. 28 big ones! I was thinking of having a party or lunch/dinner gathering (I did a lunch last year at a great Brazilian restaurant), but eh....we'll see.

He's just not that into you...

After more flip-flopping than John Kerry at a 2004 presidential debate, I decided that the only thing to do is erase MB's number. Despite his promise to call "right back", 3 days have elapsed and all I hear are crickets in the breeze. My friends are of the opinion that he will call back on some random day and act like we just got off the phone yesterday and no time has passed. I, personally, can't stand that kind of thing. Maybe I shouldn't be so disturbed, but I am completely annoyed by this situation. Part of me wants to pre-empt things and just leave him a message saying "yeah....don't bother calling me back....ever. Thanks." Even though that would be admitting that I thought about him more than a little bit, and it totally defies the bitch mentality, it would definitely prevent repeat performances (and it would keep me from wondering about things).

*Sigh* but I'm going to be an adult and just let it go. Relax. Relate. Release.

There are a few lessons here though: #1- Next time I go out, I need to talk to a bunch of people. #2- Stick with my gut instinct. Although I initially thought MB was cool, when he started off by texting instead of calling, I kinda figured that he wasn't really interested, but was just trying to keep me as an "option". My friends convinced me that I was being too hard on him and that I should give him a second chance. Although I'm not a pessimist, I am a realist and I believe that if you need a "second chance" before you even made it to a first date, then that's a sign of trouble. When a person is truly interested, nothing, and I mean NOTHING will stand in the way of them getting to know you. They will be breaking their backs to make and maintain contact and show their interest, not disappearing for periods of time and leaving you wondering.

Grrrrrr

So...I broke down and called MB. We had a pretty funny....3 minute conversation. I was on the train on the way home. He was in a cab on the way home. He got off the phone to pay the driver, with the last words being "I'll call you when I get in". The cynic in me decided that he wasn't going to call back. The optimist hoped that he would. Sadly, the cynic won. Now I'm back to nailbiting and wondering when if I'll get a call back.

To make matters worse, I was on the phone with a friend discussing the idiocy of the dating game last night before bed. She's going through her own drama and sadly she can relate to my situation. I ended up having a bit of a bad dream and woke up around 4:30am this morning.

I definitely need a life distractor to keep me from thinking about this stupidness. Next Friday night I'm going to a Knicks game with a group of female friends. That should be fun, since I've never been to a game before...and it's a night out :-). Now I just have to find something to do this weekend *sigh*.

Of mice and men

Well...the party dude (MB)decided to call back after all. I (as a real bitch would) decided to ignore the phone call. Then I spent the next 2 days biting my nails and wondering if/when I should call back (the way an amateur would). It turns out the waiting was for nothing because he called back again a couple days later. So we spoke for a little bit and had an interesting, although somewhat nervous (at least for me) conversation. The major thing I learned from this convo is that he is single and has been for the past year, after getting out of a 9-year (gasp!) relationship. I did remember to make sure that I got off the phone first. +5 for me :-).

I decided to send MB a "Happy New Year" text message on Tuesday, but I've heard nothing back since then. :-(. Although I am somewhat curious, one of my fatal flaws is that I'm impatient and tend to lose interest somewhat quickly. I feel that if he was really interested, I probably would have heard from him already. Instead, I may be "on the team". Considering that a few months/years ago I couldn't even pay for someone to take my number, this seems to be an improvement. But if there's one thing I know, it's "don't make someone a priority when you're only their option". So I'll give him one more call...and depending on how that goes, I may drop a hint about going out. If that doesn't work out, then MB will be erased.