January 2008 in review

Sooooooo...it's been a while since I've checked in. Part of the problem with going out and doing is that it leaves you little time to come back and blog about it. Here's the Cliff notes version of January:

1. I gave in to peer pressure and called MB again. I left him a message and 2 days later he sent a vague text stating "I am hoping that we can meet somewhere this week." My instinct was that he was f.o.s. and I should give him a smart ass reply, but peer pressure prevailed and instead I replied "busy this week. How about Saturday?" NEVER got a response. 3 weeks later I'm still (perturbed/miffed/borderline angry) about it. I mean really. You'd have thought I asked him to be my man or something. Why put the invite out there and then be a flake? Was it really necessary to go the extra mile? He could have just ignored my phone call then. Or at least be courteous enough to say "I'll check my schedule" and then never get back to me...don't just act like I didn't even....*woooo....ok...breathe* I'm going to leave this alone now.

2. I went to a basketball game with a few female friends. First time I ever went to a game. It was fun, even though the home team lost (as usual). There was a little girl drama between 2 of the friends which will make things interesting in the coming months.

3. I went to a "fight party" for the Holyfield-Trinidad fight. I discovered that although 2 drinks will get me buzzed, 3 drinks will have me damn near swinging from the chandelier and feeling up on just about any man in sight. At some point I was dancing very scandalously with someone else's man (he started it, not me! And his girlfriend was there! Blame it on the liquor, 'cuz I am SO not that type of girl) and I remember thinking to myself that this sweaty drunken reggae dance is the closest I've come to a man in over a year (and no, the cute guy who fell asleep on my shoulder on the train doesn't count, and MB's hug at the party last month doesn't count either).

4. I went on a date with a guy I met online...last year. I know I said no online dates in '08, but he's grandfathered from last year. Short story: we didn't have much chemistry on the phone, but he insisted that he was not a phone person. There was no chemistry in person and I felt like I NEEDED a drink to get through the date. Actually, I felt like I needed 2 drinks, but I didn't want to appear to be a lush. Needless to say we won't be going out again.

5. I went to "girls' night" with a few friends from school and one of them decided to bring her boyfriend along. A very awkward time was had by all.

6. I was on the way home from the gym and ran into a chat buddy from MySpace. We hadn't spoken in a couple weeks (my fault) because I felt like he just wasn't really interested. At this point, I'm not trying to meet people to be online buddies. Let's go to dinner, a movie...hell, let's at least talk on the phone. So after a couple months of random chatting I decided to keep it moving. We ran into each other and had a good conversation. He left off with "see you around". A few days later he sent me a message on MySpace asking why he hasn't heard from me. I told him that maybe next time we should actually plan a meeting. Haven't heard back from him. NEXT!

7. I met my co-worker's fiance' for the first time, and a good friend got married last month. She's expecting a baby in July. Another very close friend is also expecting a child around the same time. I predict minor depression and lots of drinking around that time.

8. I called an old (suitor?/flame?) that I haven't spoken to in 2 years. Last time we spoke he was a mess. College dropout, "in between jobs", living at home, smoking weed (ugh), and 30 years old. His only saving grace was the fact that he had a car (which his parents gave him) and he had a body TO DIE FOR! Sadly, when I am feeling like nobody in the world wants me, I know I can count on him to stroke my ego....but really...this is like being grateful for attention from the local homeless dude. Definitely not the sign of a BITCH.

Summary: I've been out more in the past few weeks than I have in the past year (I know, I was/am a recluse by nature), but somehow I don't particularly feel any better about it. I realize that I am generally hanging out with women (or gay/attached men) and we are not meeting any quality single men. These female friends have cats and seems somewhat resigned to comfortable with the "I don't need a man" role. I think that's b.s. Maybe they're secret lesbians? Or maybe they're made of steel.

Personally I'm way too affectionate/cuddly/human to just accept the role of happy single gal about town. The fact that other friends are getting engaged/married/settling down and I can't even get a return phone call from men who seem like decent candidates is weighing heavily on my self-esteem. I know what you're thinking, and no, I don't wear my angst on my sleeve when I talk to people...that's what the blog is for. Inevitably when I meet men (if I'm somewhat interested) they will say "wow, it's amazing that someone like you is still single"...and then promptly disappear, only to pop up months later with "hey...what's new?" Very frustrating, to say the least. As someone said in The Color Purple: "I need me a man, you hear? A man!" Lol.

Current mood: melancholy; anxious; tired; recognizing that "life could be a lot worse", but not comforted by that knowledge; on the brink of a binge eating session (when I should be exercising); and....lonely *sigh* yes. There. I said it.

Outlook for February 2008: I have a 14-day vacation planned in the Caribbean. My parents are going with me. I feel like this is the kind of trip I should be taking with friends/significant other because solo vacations suck (trust me, I've done it before). Sadly, my friends (what with their babies/weddings/significant others/financial woes) are not in any position to join me on any of these excursions, and I don't have a significant other, so there you go. Hopefully the rest will do wonders for my angst....and the fact that they don't celebrate Valentine's Day down there can only be a good thing :-). Oh, and my b-day is in the first week of February. 28 big ones! I was thinking of having a party or lunch/dinner gathering (I did a lunch last year at a great Brazilian restaurant), but eh....we'll see.